Latest responses to “Female Bosses and the Queen Bee Syndrome” Copyright 2012, MoneyBlueBook.com 411330 2009-10-15T18:35:02-07:00 MissQueenBkilla So yea, I could say Ive experienced this whole Queen Bee thing from both perspectives. Im am not an "alpha female" I have always been shy and reserved. A people pleaser, and often times have been called "sweet". I have never really been in a fight with any one, and if ever an argument came up, Im the first to apologize for what ever I must have done to cause the strife. Any ways it is a long story and I can't posibly wright you a novel, but it was when I ran across a particularly "B*%&ch" of a woman that I knew I had to either back out or take her out. She was intrusive, and inconsiderate, she was always bitching, and always needing attention from my husband for the most trivial things like fixing her trunk over and over and over again. She labeld herself as a B*&ch and even got a tattoo that said Royal Bitch to prove that she was one: She was the type of girl who would follow you around the school yard with her gang of friends calling you out to fight her because of something you said regarding the color of her dog. Stupid I know... Anyways, We were business partners and friends, and while this Queen Bitch was playing whos the boss games, I just came to the realization that she was playing on my fu***ing board, she wanted to be the Queen of the hive, so I became the bear, and shook her out. She was very territorial of her particular shift, I was exhasted working splits around her, but I did it because she was she was a violent angry bitch, and the last thing I wanted to do was piss her off by changing the schedule. So I came up with a plan. I would simply post a proposed schedule on the board, and when I showed it to her, we could very easily switch some things around. It was only a suggestion, and it was merely a temporary thing. I figured it would be a test, and it could go one of two ways, either way I would win. The first way, which I hoped it would have been, was that she saw the schedule and if she didnt like it, or couldnt do it, she could simply suggest something else, and I would compromise, and we could negotiate like adults, like well rounded business partners do, if she thought of me as an equall, like I thought of her, she would treat me as such, and speak to me as such. The second way, which a Bitch usually goes was that she got pissed off about it. She was soooo mad that her hulk o maniac arms were flying around and a vien was poping out of her forhead. She talked down to me, and accused me of "makeing her suffer". She basically threw a tantrum fit right before my very eyes. I knew then there was no negotiating with "Hulk mad.. Hulk smash" woman, so as a business owner I simply found someone else to work the shifts that she couldnt. This made her even more mad, and she quit... I even tried apologizing to her, I tried to work it out with her, I tried to give her an opportunity to make a suggestion, to take a step in compromising. But in her world it is either her way, or no way at all. so she left the company, and Im free of the Queen Bitch. So in conclusion, Ive been on the sides of both perspectives. I think that every woman simply wants to be respected. You can call me manipulative, and fake for what I did. But if she was willing to show some respect, and dignity, and honor, and if she was smart enough handle her anger, and talk in a calm, mature fasion like adults do, her story would be very different. I simply think that maybe she thought she was entitled to whatever she wanted. I think that in her world, she just throws tantrums, and people give in cause they dont want to see her mad. Since I did'nt reward her immature behaviour, she quit, and that is soooo fine with me. 411400 2009-10-08T16:30:22-07:00 Penny Hayes I 've worked for a female owner of a tiny company. She is now 65. She cannot take any form of criticism and gets upset and nasty if you point out an error she's made. She has tantrums and has lost several employees and friends. I stay because it's conveniently close to home and at 59 years old, jobs are hard to come by. She trys to make everyone her friend and if anyone crosses her she becomes a nasty tyrant. She can't let things go. She will keep on and on about something. Her husband of one year started drinking again and finally left her. She emasculates men and then wonders why they yell at her and then leave. She and I have had our arguments. I get frustrated because she never listens. She is also inconsiderate of other's time - constantly late for everything and then turns it around to make it their fault. She send long emails that are nasty when she is unhappy with someone. Most of the time I am so glad when she doesn't come into work which is often because she can't get her lazy butt into work ontime. She wants everyone to do her work and personal favors. That's my biggest pet peeve. She loves to have me do her errands, like get her milk, "make me a cup of coffee" and make her personal bank deposits. I really hate working for women. This one really drives me nuts. Now that she was diagnosed type 2 diabetic she wears it on her sleeve so she can get special attention. When I've gone out with her she always finds a way to be the center of attention. Especially with a few other people. The food is always "cold", something isn't right. That's why I stopped going anywhere after work with her. My partner hates her. She has recently lost a few friends because they wouldn't kiss her butt. She's a piece of work alright. 411390 2009-09-06T04:06:37-07:00 jbg What you are talking about here is women with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and they are relatively common. A well known example is Madonna. Not all Narcissistic women are as successful as her but they all follow a similar pattern with a gang of sycophantic friends whose place it is to hero worship their idol. The male version behaves in a similar fashion and everybody knows one. There is an interesting blog written by the daughter of a Narcissist here www.narcissists-suck.blogspot.com In short they have never grown up and still believe the world should and does revolve around them, hence the need to be the center of attention, even if it means flirting with your boyfriend and taking their clothes off. Its all an act and they are not sufficiently mature enough to cope with an adult relationship and are largely asexual and incapable of unconditional love or even any kind of love, or empathy for others! They are an emotional vacuum or vampire. All take and no give. They use bullying, lies and control freakery to get what they want. They live in a fantasy world and create their own reality and will drag you into it. This is a complex condition that requires much reading and I have only touched on it here. They should be avoided at all costs, especially if you are male! 411380 2009-08-26T22:04:15-07:00 anonymiss This is a subject near and dear to my heart. I work under a Queen Bee and the comments and psycho crap I have endured from her have been a challenge to say the least. Not only that, she referred an employee to the company that works directly under her and is related to her huband's family. So not only do I deal with that, I also have the favortism and partiality to contend with. She has very deep issues and I have contemplated going to HR several times but typically this never ends well. The worst part is her hiding my productivity and her constant charter to belittle me in front of colleagues. Many people know of this side to her but she has done a great deal of butt kissing at the top. Not only does she have this problem with females, she has this problem with males also and puts down everyone. She is highly intelligent and I have been succesful at what I do and respected and worked my tail off for my company. She was promoted over me through an acquisition and it made sense since she has more experience and was better management material. I am the worker bee and prefer it that way. I really loved the comment "It must be kind of weird to play with the big boys and then have to go the kiddie table" I believe in Karma and I hope someday someone gives her the treatment she deserves or exposes her for who she really is. Her referral had zero experience and she has even gone so far to do her work for her. As a female, it is common for a littel co worker jealousy every now and then but overall we support one another. Intelligence often masks some of the really scary side of some of the women in corporate, HR departments and executive management need to do more to stop the Queen Bee bullying or at least take steps to prevent it if possible. 411350 2009-03-23T20:09:50-07:00 Spade Hey... this Queen Bee stuff is not only against other female co-workers, but seemingly against smart, well-rounded, educated and potentially successful characters in-general (including MEN in subordinate positions). I'm a new male employee at a job where there are multiple female managers. Over the months I've been there, I've noticed that these women seem to always feel they have to try to punk me (get me to do tasks that they can very well do themselves w/o assistance, talking down to me by calling me "boy" and "child", using a tone of voice towards me that's nowhere near professional, etc.). It's quite funny, because when we happen to be one-on-one with each other, those kind of competitive acts by these women seem to be subtle-to-none (and of course they gossip about each other), but when they're around each other while "I'm" in the midst, oh it's an all out dictatorship fest against me. Throw away all of the private conversations we've had about teamwork, respect, communication and watching each other's backs! I have to prepare myself every shift for these trifling-ass women. Either they have short-term amnesia or they're just a bunch of hypocrites. Being in management before, I understand the difference between "managing" and "being an asshole". Ultimately, though I've tried to communicate to these Queen Bees via verbal language & work style that I'm not about this competition crap (and I just wanna make my money), they haven't seem to process the message yet. Apparently, the trust isn't there; maybe it's my fault for not being clear enough. Any insecurities that they have about me being there (b/c of my education, my experience, my height, my dress-style, etc.) seeps right through their jealous, anxious eyes. I just know that these women, these PEOPLE better understand me immediately. I know they're well aware of my potential of rising above them. I only planned to be there for about 6 months just to pay off debt and presume my athletic career (NEVER have I mentioned about being manager. I didn't even care about the damn place that much)!!! That means I didn't plan to use my status as a WEAPON. This competition crap that goes on in the workplace is part of an even bigger problem in this world. It's unfortunate that innocent people have to be subjected to this "crap" game. It's a "crap" game because it's usually played against people without their consent. Nevertheless, if these b*****s keep f*****g with me, keep playing f*****g games with me and fighting against me, out of defense, I WILL get myself into a position in the company where these people will be GRASS UNDER MY FEET. It's their choice. They move, I move! 411320 2009-03-03T18:54:46-08:00 Anonymous I am currently in a Queen Bee situation. I was recently hired in a very famous company, and the manager in my office is a woman. She is very short with me, and seems like she doesn't want me around. She is very territorial and talks over me all the time. When I ask her questions, she gets annoyed and acts like she doesn't have time for me or my concerns. She hired me, and during the interview process she was a very likable person. Once I started working there, her attitude towards me changed. I do feel that she is threatened by me in some way, and that I take some attention away from her. I feel no need to be the "attention getter" and I wish I could let her know that I do not care and I am not after her job. I just want to be respected and taken seriously in my workplace. 411370 2009-01-23T14:39:57-08:00 ckensington I had never heard of this term - queen bee - until recently. I know of a situation where all the writing was on the wall to watch out for one of these, but in this case it was males she probably didn't like, and the moment they non-deliberately show up a queen bee, they are gone just like their female counterparts. Queen bees do exist and its up to a potential employee to watch out. Sometimes not much you can do, but avoid that "hive" altogether if possible. 411360 2008-12-06T10:17:55-08:00 Joanelle The Queen Bee syndrome is actually based on the fact that most companies will allow limited number of women at the top - look at the Board of Directors, senior management group, etc. The "boys" control things and consequently women protect their individual jobs, roles and position to the extent that they keep other women out -the "boys" are very good at setting us up against each other - they don't have to do anything anymore - they have us doing it for them - protecting their turf and keeping us out! They've gotten so good at it that many women will tell you they don't want a "woman for a boss" 411340 2008-10-19T01:26:07-07:00 Jean Z. I work with an Alpha Female CSR that is the assigned CSR for one of the company's largest accounts. Problem is, I may not be an alpha female, but I don't take any crap from someone who is on my same level. She actually went to my boss and his boss to discuss the things I should be doing for her, without including me at all. I can only assume she wanted me to sock her in the face. I refuse to do any of it. If she were smart, she'd find a doormat, not try to convert me into one. She can be as persistent as she likes, I'm just not wired to be a doormat. She thinks she wants me to be her assistant. She needs to be certain of that. No one can stand her. I think many people have not articulated to themselves why they can't stand her, but her constant manipulation and "acquisition" of friends, just to have people to manipulate is so transparent. Everyone hopes she falls flat on her face. 411310 2008-10-17T13:06:26-07:00 Pat H There can be only one "Queen Bee" in the colony and any threat to the queen's position will draw her ire. I had to learn this the hard way. Many of the positions I've had during my career resulted in the same thing if my immediate supervisor was female. Usually did not happen with male supervisors because, for the most part, there was not a power play going on between male and female. If I may draw this analogy, in motherhood, there can be only one female who rules the roost and dictates how the household should be run; you know, the planning, the execution of those plans the "do as I say and not as I do" philosophy. It is wise for other females to keep their opinions to themselves when it comes to giving advise on how another woman's home should be run. Bottom line, women have a competitive streak no different than their male counterparts. They exist in a "no-share zone" And so I think that women in the workplace tend to be more mentally vicious and vindictive in their dealings with other females if one perceives the other as threatening competition. And don't even think about usurping the queen's authority when it comes to dealing with the same males with whom the queen interacts. There will NEVER be the "good old girl" network in the workplace. It is not in our nature. Women stand alone and are nurturers to their offspring (underlings) and cannot share their charges with another woman unless it is in a subordinate capacity. Call me nuts but I think there are some parallels there. Strongly opinioned and independently thinking women will always have a difficult time working together because of a matter of mutual respect and control. A difficult thing to achieve for sure. That's not a put down but an observation from years and years of experience in the workplace. I do acknowledge that there are exceptions, however, and when that does happen, it can be a beautiful thing though it isn't often.