Latest responses to “Explaining Why Financially Independent Men Rarely Call Their Mothers” Copyright 2013, MoneyBlueBook.com 6319122 2012-12-22T10:04:00-08:00 Brenda This article was great. It's so nice to hear how people feel about their moms/sons. There are all kinds of moms and all kinds of sons as you well know. Our son is our 6'5" "baby" boy. He's so much fun to be around. He's married, financially independent and has an adorable little girl. He's a great daddy and a pretty good husband. We text. That's the way I know he's alive and well. That's his way of communicating. He's never been much of a phone person to anyone. The comments above have been enlightening. I'm confused when I text or e-mail and my questions go unanswered, when he immediately replies to our daughter. So reading this just wakes me up to the fact that he's busy doing his thang! I love him to death and he loves both of us, his parents. We see him on special occasions and then some. But I enjoyed hearing how to just leave him alone with his health habits (he plays basketball recreationally) (smokes pot recreationally) and enjoys his family very much. I remember how my husband never called his mom either and when I was younger I thought that to be rather sad. Now I see in this busy world there are other things men would rather do, especially sports. While our son is no wimp, he's his own man and we love him just the way he is. He's not on our doorstep begging for money, etc. Occasionally we babysit his little girl and love watching her grow. She's 3 and has her daddy's sense of humor. We're used to the way he is and guess what? We have 3 daughters who call all the time, we are very close and this sometimes drives us crazy with all the 10 grandchildren, events, etc. So it's wonderful to have a son who doesn't bug us, who we see when need be. Sometimes I would like to see more of him but, hey, he has a life to live too. God bless him, he grew up great being the youngest of 4 with 3 older sisters. Can you imagine? His dog is a male! We're so thankful we have a wonderful son even if he doesn't return calls. I guess for those who don't communicate well with their sons, could go adopt another person's son who needs mothering for some reason and then get it out of your system...kinda like volunteering at the VA or a hospital...to satisfy any of your needs. We might be sad that he doesn't change a lightbulb for us, but we're fortunate enough that we can hire someone if we need to, like he does! We are so grateful that we have a healthy, happy son. 1146193 2011-10-30T07:41:04-07:00 SH Excellent article! I agree....grow up, previous responders and PAY ATTENTION to your own wifes (or husbands)...Mommy time has passed and it is NOT your responsibility to financially or emotionally support these grown women. Gave birth as an excuse....she made the choice to lay in bed with no condom (no excuse to hold guilt over your head). All you mean who feel you must call and chat on the regular should really research COVERT INCEST (emotional incest)...sounds like the responders here have a serious case of this 411000 2010-05-23T17:12:50-07:00 Sue I found your comments very interesting. I am going to visit my 35 year old son and his children for a few days. I do this on a pretty regular basis, however my daughter-in-law will not be there with us. This opportunity rarely happens and I began searching the web for ways for the two of us to reconnect. I really want to try not to be such a MOM and perhaps we can get to know each other on a different level. When I searched on the web, I came up with some really strange articles. However, I did find the article by William Sutcliffe and plan to buy the book. Your article also gave me perspective into the brain of an adult son which is not something easily understood by mothers. It's not me! He just doesn't talk on the phone like my daughter and I do. He does tell me he hates talking on the phone. Thanks for listening/reading. I do have ideas, however would appreciate any suggestions to get the 'ball' rolling for us. 411050 2010-05-16T21:40:13-07:00 charle Think of the time one spends on their computer or blackberry or watching television. Now it is most likely that a lot of time taken up in these activities. Communication with family members is non existent because people have become selfishly withdrawn because of technology. The world today is a deeply lonely place for many people who are forgotten by family members. It isn't about independence it is about selfishness. 411030 2010-02-22T06:30:41-08:00 Roses I found this website just by writing: 'mothers whose sons don't contact them once they're married'. So you can see where I'm coming from. It hurts and baffles me deeply that my son hasn't called, or written even a text, in six weeks. And these are weeks where I've been very ill. His wife sent a text the other day on his behalf. What hurts even more is that he sees her mother on at least a weekly basis and chats amicably with her over Sunday dinner. I like his wife and love their children of course, and I like my opposite mum too. We sometimes meet up socially just to shop or have coffee etc. Reading the original blog, I began to see that maybe there is an explanation that doesn't have anything to do with my son not loving me anymore... (years ago, I kept him afloat financially and emotionally when he was going through a lengthy phase of unemployment and other problems. Could it be that he feels guilty and even a little sheepish? Maybe so. But he's doing well financially now and is a success. I, and all the family are delighted for him. The replies however, brought me up short. My son, whatever his complicated internal reasoning, has neglected me badly over the past few years, and it hurts like hell. It really does. My other son is much kinder and has no problems with keeping in touch. My daughter despairs of her brother's behaviour and does not feel the affection for him that she once did. She sees my pain even though I keep it underwraps as best I can. 411040 2009-09-13T15:07:42-07:00 Scientific The mother-son bond is perhaps the strongest in the animal kingdom. Family is the most important thing in the world. Unconditional love is extreamly rare. 411020 2009-09-04T20:56:44-07:00 roze Interesting article...I am feeling sad because my only child, my beloved son hasn't called for a long time and really never does and never just to see how I am. I googled to get some insight and your blog came up first. I felt better when I read it and laughed when I realized I ask the same questions as your mother ad nauseum...when I hear his voice I am wired, as I guess other mothers are, to talk about food, exercise, habits blah, blah, blah... I seem to get worried about the bloody food thing when I am on the phone but not any other time! Perhaps it is because we don't know what to say because we don't talk that often (and I really don't know any men that do talk on the phone to anyone just to chat) and if there isn't some noteworthy event to discuss it is difficult if said son is not a chatterbox. He never forgets Mothers Day or birthdays etc. for that wouild indeed be cruel. What I find so awful is that I start to worry whether he is okay or not...I have learned to text now, which is great...a friend told me it is the only way your kids will communicate these days....so I ask if he is okay and always get a positive reply...so that is great. Wow, Mothers and Sons...what a subject! 410990 2009-06-17T17:21:05-07:00 Sandi Any man that does not understand how much a simple phone call means to a mom is not a REAL man and he is far beyond selfish. It's too bad mom's are not psychic and so they could just drop these "future jerks" on a doorstep after they give birth to them and let someone else spend their lives nurturing a child that becomes a "man" and feels it's perfectly ok to toss his mom aside as easily as yesterday's trash. 410980 2009-05-05T17:53:52-07:00 Sue I feel this way because I am a Mother. You obviously missed the point, but I think you wanted to. My mother lost her son. Reread my post! It sounds pretty reasonable to me to hear from a son once or twice a month, but you obviously have an issue with how you treat your mother, or you wouldn't have felt the need to reply to my post telling me how often you speak to her. Perhaps you should tell your mother what you've said here, as I think your post is really meant for her. Indeed your comments are very sexist and there is more than a hint of disrespect in your post, not only for "the mother", but other men, who don't happen to fit with your own macho image of yourself as being the "True Man" or whatever that label represents in your mind. There are many men who speak to their mothers frequently, especially as they get older and less able to care for themselves and they are anything but deserving of the label wimpish and boyish or not True Men. They are mature men. And yes, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but when your mother dies, you will be "longing for a chat", just as we all do when we lose people we love. And that is the natural order of things! 410880 2009-05-05T02:51:24-07:00 Switch I think you feel that way Sue because you are a woman. No one is losing their mother by not calling. Mothers ought to understand that it's just the natural order of things...that sons, brothers, and males tend to be more independent and naturally want to cut the umbilical cord, while females naturally prefer to cling on. I call my mother regularly...about once or twice a month depending on whether I have time or not or whether I'm busy due to work or my own family issues. But yes, sometimes I do have a tendency to hand the phone off to the wife for her to give the nitty gritty details. But that's more because women simply love to talk on the phone...and boy does my wife love to yak all day long. But I call my mom because I just want to let her know what I'm up to, not because I am "longing for a chat". And yes, a man who is constantly calling his mom is very wimpish and boyish.. True men love their mothers, but they don't live like a little boy forever. Of course the rules for women are very different. That's just how it is. Sure it's sexist, but it It's all biological.