Comments on: Explaining Why Financially Independent Men Rarely Call Their Mothers

By: Scientific

Scientific — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 19:07:42 +0000

The mother-son bond is perhaps the strongest in the animal kingdom. Family is the most important thing in the world. Unconditional love is extreamly rare.

By: roze

roze — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 00:56:44 +0000

Interesting article…I am feeling sad because my only child, my beloved son hasn’t called for a long time and really never does and never just to see how I am. I googled to get some insight and your blog came up first. I felt better when I read it and laughed when I realized I ask the same questions as your mother ad nauseum…when I hear his voice I am wired, as I guess other mothers are, to talk about food, exercise, habits blah, blah, blah… I seem to get worried about the bloody food thing when I am on the phone but not any other time! Perhaps it is because we don’t know what to say because we don’t talk that often (and I really don’t know any men that do talk on the phone to anyone just to chat) and if there isn’t some noteworthy event to discuss it is difficult if said son is not a chatterbox. He never forgets Mothers Day or birthdays etc. for that wouild indeed be cruel. What I find so awful is that I start to worry whether he is okay or not…I have learned to text now, which is great…a friend told me it is the only way your kids will communicate these days….so I ask if he is okay and always get a positive reply…so that is great. Wow, Mothers and Sons…what a subject!

By: Sandi

Sandi — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 21:21:05 +0000

Any man that does not understand how much a simple phone call means to a mom is not a REAL man and he is far beyond selfish. It’s too bad mom’s are not psychic and so they could just drop these “future jerks” on a doorstep after they give birth to them and let someone else spend their lives nurturing a child that becomes a “man” and feels it’s perfectly ok to toss his mom aside as easily as yesterday’s trash.

By: Sue

Sue — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:53:52 +0000

I feel this way because I am a Mother. You obviously missed the point, but I think you wanted to. My mother lost her son. Reread my post!

It sounds pretty reasonable to me to hear from a son once or twice a month, but you obviously have an issue with how you treat your mother, or you wouldn’t have felt the need to reply to my post telling me how often you speak to her. Perhaps you should tell your mother what you’ve said here, as I think your post is really meant for her. Indeed your comments are very sexist and there is more than a hint of disrespect in your post, not only for “the mother”, but other men, who don’t happen to fit with your own macho image of yourself as being the “True Man” or whatever that label represents in your mind. There are many men who speak to their mothers frequently, especially as they get older and less able to care for themselves and they are anything but deserving of the label wimpish and boyish or not True Men. They are mature men. And yes, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but when your mother dies, you will be “longing for a chat”, just as we all do when we lose people we love. And that is the natural order of things!

By: Switch

Switch — Tue, 05 May 2009 06:51:24 +0000

I think you feel that way Sue because you are a woman. No one is losing their mother by not calling. Mothers ought to understand that it’s just the natural order of things…that sons, brothers, and males tend to be more independent and naturally want to cut the umbilical cord, while females naturally prefer to cling on.

I call my mother regularly…about once or twice a month depending on whether I have time or not or whether I’m busy due to work or my own family issues. But yes, sometimes I do have a tendency to hand the phone off to the wife for her to give the nitty gritty details. But that’s more because women simply love to talk on the phone…and boy does my wife love to yak all day long.

But I call my mom because I just want to let her know what I’m up to, not because I am “longing for a chat”. And yes, a man who is constantly calling his mom is very wimpish and boyish.. True men love their mothers, but they don’t live like a little boy forever. Of course the rules for women are very different. That’s just how it is. Sure it’s sexist, but it It’s all biological.

By: Sue

Sue — Tue, 05 May 2009 03:33:06 +0000

I can count the number of times on my fingers that my brother would ring or write our mother during the 20 yrs he’s lived abroad and the infrequency of communication deeply hurt her as it would most mothers. I used to have to write my brother and tell him to write or ring her so that she didn’t feel so bad. I only fully realised the depth of sadness my brother’s neglect caused her when my own sons left home and claimed their independence. It’s a very sad day when you lose your mother. You have longings for a chat that you can’t have. A mature man does not find that wimpish.

By: Raymond

Raymond — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:50:47 +0000

CinD76,

Thanks for the moral support there. I didn’t realize I would raise the ire of so many people when I originally wrote this blog article piece but I guess I understand why so many readers would be so irritated at my explanation.

I would like to think that I’m just calling it as I see it – not trying to hide the realities or make it all politically correct. Admittedly, while somewhat progressive, I’m not the most liberal of individuals and still hold onto certain traditional, perhaps even sexist conservative notions. It’s just how I am.

By: CinD76

CinD76 — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:28:46 +0000

I am actually surprised by the previous responses. All of my girlfriend’s husbands are just like this guy, and my brothers too. MOST guys don’t call mommy to “catch up” with the weeks or months events because, plainly so, men are not wired to chat like women do. In most cases they are inclined to say a quick hi to mom then pass the phone off to the wife to get the details. I think it is perfectly natural, normal male behavior. To say anyone should have been aborted or disowned is just RIDICULOUS and completely inappropriate. Whether you like it or not this gentlman’s statement, in my experience, is the opinion of most men. Differing opinions are not the norm but the exception. I only wish more men had the guts to admit this is how they really feel, and more moms could accept it. FYI…I have NEVER heard any of my girlfriends say they had reservations about NOT marrying their current husbands because of their relationship/lack of relationship with their moms. That is total immaturity and nonsense. As well, my mother is completely fine with the fact that the ONLY child she hears from regularly is me-her daughter. A secure woman knows her children love her whether they call once a month or once a year.

By: Melanie

Melanie — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:05:30 +0000

Its sad the mother was “suprised” to hear from him on Mother’s Day. It should be EXPECTED that a child, even an adult child, remembers a parent’s birthdays, etc. unless the parental relationship was awful or abusive from birth.
While I agree its important to have a healthy amount of distance from parents and that we need to cut the umbilical chord, that doesnt mean we are given permission to not care or think about them or honor them. What has happened in this society that has made it “cool” to become thoughtless???

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 05:39:02 +0000

You guys who don’t call and ignore your mothers’ are jerks. Too bad your mothers’ didn’t abort you ungrateful pieces of garbage. Or better yet, they should have left you bloody turds in a toilet bowl.

By: Joe

Joe — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 13:55:09 +0000

I also think this baby boy is a disgrace. He is not a man. A real man makes it his business to keep in touch with his mother. Its called respect, honor thy mother, love thy mother. She is the woman who gave birth to me, and has unconditional love for me. I don’t over do it and never feel obligated when I call my mom. I do it because I care about how she is doing, and I love her. I’ve never felt forced in anyway to cater to my mom, and I don’t do that, although she deserves to be catered to. I am a married financially independent male and my wife doesn’t call my mom, she says she doesn’t have time. I love my wife and children and don’t care if my wife ignores my mother. I don’t think my mother cares either. I have a very happy marriage, however, when my wife gets old and grey maybe our son’s wife will give her the cold shoulder. She will probably be to busy for her.

By: mug

mug — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 04:45:57 +0000

I think this guy is juvenile and disgraceful. Of course men need to break away from their parents, including their mums, but to say that to neglect your mum on a regular basis is manly thing to do is ridiculous. He intimated that his mum rarely even got a call on Mother’s Day. Wow, what a guy! What a man! Wow, any woman would want this guy in her life…look how he treats his own mother. I think he is a disgrace. Honoring him mum on special day is a sign of a true man, just for starters. So hope he is dishonored by his own kids someday when he is old and lonely…he will truly deserve it.

By: JustADatingBird

JustADatingBird — Wed, 28 May 2008 04:21:37 +0000

I’m afraid you’ve fallen into the logical fallacy of extrapolating from your own personal biases to assume that your beliefs are universal.

I’m not certain that mature, grounded, self-actualized men need to “break away” from their mothers in order to feed their ego needs for a juvenile kind of independence.

In fact, mature and psychologically balanced men have healthy relationships with their parents and siblings, that reaches a healthy middle ground between dependence and neglect.

And when a woman meets a guy, if he has nothing to do with his mother, that is as big a red flag as if he has an oedipal crush on her.

Don’t believe me? Ask a woman. Or a mother. Or a shrink.

Or even just a grown up guy.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 19 May 2008 22:40:13 +0000

I think it’s great to stay in contact with your mom but not to ask for money. When you’ve matured to the point that you save more money than your parents do on a much smaller income, I think you’re really an adult. Has anyone else found themselves in this situation? I have – and I still talk to my mom every week or two.

By: Investment Advising and Financial Planning Services

Investment Advising and Financial Planning Services — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:08:28 +0000

Great Stuff!